We get asked a lot if we have any tips or tricks on how to help someone improve their approach to dating using the Enneagram. While many things are universal, each type has some traps they tend to fall into when they’re on a date. Here are a few common type 8 traps.

1. Dominating the stage

Eights naturally take up space in social situations. Others may be happy to relinquish the spotlight, or they may wish they could get a word in.

Tip: Lean into your curiosity, and stay with it. Because no topic is off-limits, Eights can be great conversationalists. Ask your date their opinion with follow-up questions before you take back the mic.

2. Staying away from deeper emotions

Eights are happy to express their intensity, happiness, or rage, but they often avoid emotions that express vulnerability (ex., sadness, tenderness, uncertainty).

Tip: See all emotions as an opportunity. Oftentimes our most vulnerable thoughts & feelings have the highest potential to build the strongest connections.

3. Too harsh too soon

Eights may make fun of something their date is genuinely self-conscious about, or may say harsh (“brutally honest”) things without sensitivity.

Tip: Start slowly. Don’t change who you are, but tread slowly & sensitively. Feel that there is a person in front of you, and calibrate what is and is not enjoyable for them.

In conclusion

With their strength and independence, Eights often already possess many of the qualities people look for in a partner. Using these three tips, Eights can bring their best selves to the table, making them even more irresistible to the right person.