We get asked a lot if we have any tips or tricks on how to help someone improve their approach to dating using the Enneagram. While many things are universal, each type has some traps they tend to fall into when they’re on a date. Here are a few common type 5 traps.

1. Being overly factual

Fives may focus on literal facts and correcting imprecise statements—which can be to the detriment of creating a deep romantic and emotional connection.

Tip: Lean into your experience. Lean into being slightly more vulnerable than you’d like to. Instead of merely stating that something happened, talk about its impact on you. This will give the other person a chance to relate to what you’re saying and build the connection.

2. Withdrawing into your mind

It’s most comfortable for Fives to live in their heads, where they can safely observe, think things through, and not make any rash decisions.

Tip: Be present. “Presence” is an incredibly attractive quality. Instead of seeing yourself and the other person as separate and unfamiliar, try to remain engaged without retreating into your mind. It may create a more enjoyable sense of intimacy for both of you

3. Waiting for obvious signals

Not wanting to do anything taboo or make the other person uncomfortable, Fives can wait for a moment that never comes.

Tip: Make the move. If you’re attracted to someone, express it: with a compliment, a slight touch to test the waters, or if things are going well on a date, going for a kiss. All intimacy starts with a breaking of the ice.

In conclusion

With their intellect and thoroughness, Fives often already possess many of the qualities people look for in a partner. Using these three tips, Fives can bring their best selves to the table, making them even more irresistible to the right person.