We get asked a lot if we have any tips or tricks on how to help someone improve their approach to dating using the Enneagram. While many things are universal, each type has some traps they tend to fall into when they’re on a date. Here are a few common type 9 traps.

1. Going with the flow

Nines are quite flexible and often happy to go along with what their date wants to do. But this can be unattractive to types who prefer for you to take the lead.

Tip: Check in with your date. If your date has a strong preference for an activity, then enjoy the ride! If they’d like you to participate in the planning, ask yourself what you’d really like to do and see if your date would be up for it, too.

2. Idealizing someone new

Nines are notorious positive thinkers, especially when it comes to idealizing someone new that they find attractive. They create tons of positive assumptions and future fantasies before there’s any indication they’re based in reality.

Tip: Stay realistic. You don't want to fall for the fantasy and miss out on the real person. Part of the fun of dating is finding out more about your person over time, and figuring out whether those shortcomings are acceptable or an impasse.

3. Under-communicating

Nines tend to withhold a lot of what they think and feel, then put up strong, stubborn boundaries that surprise the other person.

Tip: Over-communicate. If you’re going through something, unavailable for a date, or unhappy with something your person did, express it genuinely so you don’t leave them frustrated and confused. What may feel like oversharing to you is often a comfortable amount of communication for others.

In conclusion

With their empathy and support, Nines often already possess many of the qualities people look for in a partner. Using these three tips, Nines can bring their full selves to the table, making them even more irresistible to the right person.