We get asked a lot if we have any tips or tricks on how to help someone improve their approach to dating using the Enneagram. While many things are universal, each type has some traps they tend to fall into when they’re on a date. Here are a few common type 3 traps.

1. Playing the role

Threes often treat dates like a performance, convinced they have to be charming and positive regardless of how they actually feel, which can come across as disingenuous.

Tip: Lean into your mood. Make yourself slightly more vulnerable by expressing what you actually think and feel. This will give the other person the opportunity to relate and form a deeper, more genuine connection with you.

2. Keeping things safe

Threes don’t like to take many conversational risks, instead exchanging pleasant, high-level topics like work, family, and positive experiences.

Tip: Follow your curiosity. See if there’s something a bit taboo that you’re dying to ask the person. Does her tattoo have a story behind it? Why did he really move away from home so young? Real conversations create real relationships.

3. Leading with what's impressive

Threes often have a lot going for them in the way of work and social lives. They usually can’t help but explicitly (or “humbly”) mention their accomplishments.

Tip: Let them discover what's excellent about you. What’s more attractive than an accomplished person? A humble one who’s *secretly* a badass, and doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone. It’s far more powerful for someone to discover you’re interesting rather than needing to be convinced.

In conclusion

With their optimism and industriousness, Threes often already possess some of the most admirable qualities people look for in a partner. Using these tips, Threes can bring their full selves to the table, making them even more irresistible to the right person.