We know what you’re thinking: these are just kart drivers who basically say nothing except catchphrases, so how can they have personalities? Well, you’re mostly right. But when you spend as much time as we have playing Mario Kart (and think about the Enneagram as much as we do), you start to read way too much into these characters.

Because there’s not a lot to go on, looks and stereotypes are going to come into play. Also, this is a stupid post that’s meant to be fun. We’re looking at the starting and unlockable characters from Mario Kart 8, excluding the DLC additions. It’s likely we’ll be influenced by these characters’ appearances in other Nintendo games, but we’re trying to keep it limited to Mario Kart.

Note that type descriptions below come from Blueprint, our Enneagram app .

What Enneagram type is Morton Koopa Jr.?

Our best guess for Morton is an Eight with a Nine wing (the Bear): the Bear is protective, quietly strong, resolute, shrewd, watchful, territorial, objectifying, coarse, and provoking. They are attuned to others and secretly tender-hearted, but can be selfish and menacing. 

Morton is a big baddie with a soft inner core. He’s a heavyweight who pushes all the weak racers off the course, and he looks like he’s into metal. On the outside, he creates distance from his fellow racers by projecting that he lifts a ton of weights, he’s a big fan of the band KISS, and he shops primarily at Hot Topic. But inside, he probably just wants to snuggle. You can tell from the vacant, beady look in his eyes that he’s more brawn than brains. Or maybe that empty look is a strategy, and he’s serving up a poker face to disarm you while he secretly analyzes what makes you tick.

What Enneagram type is Wendy O. Koopa? 

Our best guess for Wendy is a Four with a Three wing (the Aristocrat): the Aristocrat is sophisticated, distinctive, lively, expressive, sensitive, extravagant, depleted, envious, and self-punishing. They are aesthetically astute and dramatic individuals, but can be difficult and disdainful.

It’s clear that Wendy pursues the finer things in life (and gets them). That massive polka-dotted hair bow is a statement piece for sure, and Aristocrats tend to love their signature accessories. Wendy’s also got huge gold bracelets that look like they’re going to fall off her wrists any second. They are utterly non-sensible for kart racing, but that’s probably why she likes them. She’s going to race and look like a fashion icon. It’s possible she got a little lip filler done, because those lips are pouted to perfection. Also that “O” initial in her name is super extra.

What Enneagram type is Roy Koopa?

Our best guess for Roy Koopa is a Three with a Two wing (the Charmer): the Charmer is alluring, engaging, driven, self-assured, chameleonic, performative, image-conscious, self-promoting, and hostile. They are charismatic and personable, but can be grandiose and spiteful.

This guy knows how to party. Just look at him. He’s straight out of spring break in Mexico. He looks like the kind of guy who could walk up to anyone and sell them a used car, or get them to funnel a beer. Or both. 

Although he could be a Seven, something about the combo of those sunglasses in that color screams “I work 18-hour days in finance during the week to be a winner, but I deliberately aim to signal that I’m a ‘cool guy’ who can have fun on the weekends.” And that’s 3w2 energy. He’s the dude who uses your name all the time when he’s talking to you, because it says in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” that that’s how to build rapport. Even though his style stands out among his siblings, it’s not so far outside what’s cool to be risky. He’s got a reputation to uphold, after all.

What Enneagram type is Lemmy Koopa?

Our best guess for Lemmy is a Four with a Five wing (the Bohemian): the Bohemian is inspired, original, creative, emotionally intuitive, unconventional, enigmatic, impractical, self-isolating, and melancholic. They are deeply introspective and perceptive, but can be unproductive and tormented. 

Rainbow hair, manic eyes, studded metal bracelets: Lemmy’s got his own sense of style and cares zero percent what anyone else thinks. According to the game creators, they named Lemmy after Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead because "he struck me as being the kind of character who would do his own thing, no matter what anyone else thought. I think it was those crazy eyes." That’s big Bohemian energy.

What Enneagram type is Ludwig Von Koopa?

Our best guess for Ludwig is a Three with a Four wing (the Professional): the Professional is success-oriented, efficient, suave, diplomatic, persistent, competitive, impersonal, dismissive, and arrogant. They are industrious and high-achieving, but can be pompous and deceitful.

Ludwig looks like he knows his worth and only wants to associate with top-tier people. He clearly spends a lot of time on his hair; it’s well-coiffed and different from his siblings’ (that’s the Four wing seeking uniqueness). He’s grown up admiring successful composers, even naming himself after Beethoven with the “Ludwig Von.” He looks like he’ll beat you, then gloat at you arrogantly to the soundtrack of one of his masterworks.

What Enneagram type is Iggy Koopa?

Our best guess for Iggy Koopa is a Seven with a Six wing (the Entertainer): the Entertainer is gregarious, animated, spontaneous, quick-thinking, uninhibited, restless, distractible, nervous, and manic. They are high-energy and optimistic, but can be highly avoidant and chaotic.

Iggy looks like he’s a good time. He’s got a crazy look in his eyes and his hair is green and standing straight up, like he’s a carrot and his hair is the stem. He looks like he’s coming off a bender, barely made it to the racetrack, and should be subject to a breathalyzer before he’s allowed to drive. Sevens are known as the high-energy doers and more-than-occasional party animals, and Iggy appears to be no exception.

What Enneagram type is Larry Koopa?

Our best guess for Larry is a Six with a Seven wing (the Buddy): the Buddy is loyal, playful, affable, responsible, monitoring, cautious, ingratiating, suspicious, and defensive. They are lighthearted community-builders who unite others, but can be panicky and complaining.

We’re really going out on a limb with this one. Larry just…blends in. Sure, he’s got blue hair and his eyes are a little nuts. But it feels like he’s playing it safe with his whole persona, which is how many Sixes tend to operate. They monitor societal standards and others’ behavior to see if they are behaving appropriately or gaining ground in relationships, not wanting to push boundaries too far.

Also the name “Larry” reads middle-of-the-road American guy; it’s the kind of name you can see a friendly neighborhood Buddy having. He’ll coach your kid’s Little League team and then you can find him at the local Applebees bar, buying rounds for everyone when he’s had too much to drink.

What Enneagram type is Peach/Pink Gold Peach?

Our best guess for Peach is a Two with a Three wing (the Host): the Host is radiant, sociable, giving, capable, cultivating, flattering, saccharine, intrusive, and manipulative. They are energetic and joyful relationship-builders, but can be attention-seeking and histrionic.

Some Enneagram research has suggested that Twos correspond to traditionally feminine energy and traits (like caretaking, relationship-building, and empathy). Peach is femininity personified: she loves her pink outfits, she’s always positive and kind, and she’s got lots of cute accessories. Twos can have a bit of a martyr complex in lower health, engineering situations where they need others to “rescue” them. But in Peach’s case, it’s real: she’s not locked up in Mario Kart, but she’s often stuck in a castle somewhere needing to be rescued. Lastly, we know she’s invested a lot in her massive castle in the Mushroom Kingdom, so she’s well-suited to being a Host with all the space for events she has there.

What Enneagram type is Daisy?

Our best guess for Daisy is a Seven with an Eight wing (the Aficionado): the Aficionado is exuberant, active, versatile, tenacious, thrill-seeking, multitasking, excessive, rude, and reckless. They are Renaissance people who regale others with their knowledge, but can be dissipated and callous.

Daisy is Peach’s best friend and the more blunt, hot-headed, tomboyish of the two. She’ll let you know what she thinks and doesn’t care how it lands. Aficionados are super competitive, and you can’t tell us that Daisy isn’t trying to establish herself as the better princess than Peach. Also her hyper-femme princess attire makes it less likely that she’s an Eight, as female Eights tend to dress more in their own personal styles rather than adhere to tradition.

What Enneagram type is Rosalina?

Our best guess for Rosalina is a One with a Nine wing (the Idealist): the Idealist is wise, fair, scholarly, objective, orderly, emotionally reserved, correcting, elitist, and condescending. They are considerate and articulate philosophical idealists, but can be unreasonable and misanthropic.

Rosalina is the most introverted, reserved, and self-controlled of the three royal female racers. That hair over half her face has got to be intentional; she’s looking like she wants to protect herself from giving away too much through her emotions. She’s also dressed like a legitimate queen, and Ones know a thing or two about dressing properly for the occasion. 

What Enneagram type is Yoshi?

Our best guess for Yoshi is a Nine with a One wing (the Dreamer): the Dreamer is imaginative, synthesizing, modest, patient, accommodating, habitual, dissociating, neglectful, and indignant. They are easygoing diplomats attuned to many perspectives, but can be deflective and unrealistic.

Like your typical Dreamer, Yoshi always looks pretty pleased and zen. He’s happy to do whatever the person in charge is doing (and that includes being ridden like a horse). Yoshi radiates chillness and it takes a lot to get him to explode.

What Enneagram type is Shy Guy?

Our best guess for Shy Guy is a Five with a Six wing (the Problem Solver): the Problem Solver is investigative, knowledgeable, meticulous, logical, skeptical, collecting, socially awkward, argumentative, and paranoid. They are multi-skilled practical thinkers, but can be rejecting and belligerent.

Shy Guy comes equipped with a mask for a face. It’s unclear whether the mask is his face, or if it’s on top of his actual face, or what. But in any case, this guy has a limited emotional range. He’s a classic Five: he’s here to focus on the job that needs to get done and he’s not going to open up about his feelings. He’s a withdrawn type for sure, and most Fives tend to be introverts.

What Enneagram type is Bowser?

Our best guess for Bowser is an Eight with a Seven wing (the Maverick): the Maverick is enterprising, bold, dynamic, assertive, straight-talking, defiant, over-reactive, forceful, and contentious. They are independent non-conformists who blaze trails, but can be overly combative and explosive.

Mavericks are the most outwardly aggressive type in the Enneagram, and you can’t say that Bowser isn’t the most aggro and alpha character in Mario Kart. Whereas Morton is also an Eight, his Nine wing gives him more of a zoned-out look (compared to Bowser, who just looks like he’s about to eat someone). Bowser’s got bright red eyebrows that are always in “angry” position. But like most Eights, he probably just wants some authentic human connection. Maybe that’s why he’s always stealing Peach: Eights and Twos often end up together.

What Enneagram type are the babies?

We realize that there are a bunch of babies in the Mario Kart 8 starting lineup, but as ridiculous as this post is, we’re still not stooping to the level of typing babies. Come on; give them a chance to grow into their personalities.

What Enneagram type is the Mii?

This is also an impossible one, because your Mii can be anything. Sorry.

What Enneagram type is Donkey Kong?

Our best guess for Donkey Kong is a Nine with an Eight wing (the Mediator): the Mediator is empathetic, instinctual, laid-back, grounded, willful, withstanding, complacent, stubborn, and denying. They are relaxed yet intense consensus-builders, but can be minimizing and aggressive.

Donkey Kong is a contradictory combo of aggressive and relaxed. He’ll puff up and beat on his chest occasionally to remind you that he is, in fact, big and scary. But most of the time he’s pretty low-key. He’s also big into nature, as most Nines are.

What Enneagram type is Mario/Metal Mario? 

Our best guess for Mario is a Six with a Seven wing (the Buddy): the Buddy is loyal, playful, affable, responsible, monitoring, cautious, ingratiating, suspicious, and defensive. They are lighthearted community-builders who unite others, but can be panicky and complaining.

Mario’s your typical Buddy: he’s everyone’s friend in the Mushroom Kingdom. Buddies love to get all their pals together for events and are most comfortable with lots of social touchpoints. It’s not a big jump to assume that he’s the one who organized all these kart races, given that it’s, well, Mario Kart. He’s the central figure connecting all these characters together.

What Enneagram type is Wario?

Our best guess for Wario is a counterphobic Six with a Seven wing (the Buddy): the Buddy is loyal, playful, affable, responsible, monitoring, cautious, ingratiating, suspicious, and defensive. They are lighthearted community-builders who unite others, but can be panicky and complaining.

If Mario is a Buddy and Wario is his mirror-image shadow self, then it only fits that Wario is a counterphobic version of Mario’s type. Wario invests a lot in coming off like a big, loud, threatening guy, but he’s got some nervous energy under the facade. He’s like your raucous uncle who will tell you a slightly mean joke and then when you look offended, he’ll slap you too hard on the leg and say “EASY, CHAMP! It’s just a joke.” 

What Enneagram type is Luigi?

Our best guess for Luigi is a Six with a Five wing (the Defender): the Defender is trustworthy, understanding, analytical, committed, vigilant, political, cynical, pessimistic, and anxious. They are intellectual thinkers who champion the underdog, but can be overzealous and conniving.

Luigi is Mario’s less in-the-spotlight brother, just as the Defender is the Six subtype that tends to be less outgoing. The Defender prefers to make things happen behind the scenes. Luigi’s secretly competitive but understated (although he lets it show during the occasional death stare ). Luigi’s the kind of guy who will pretend to be a non-issue and then obliterate you with a blue shell.

What Enneagram type is Waluigi?

Our best guess for Waluigi is a counterphobic Six with a Five wing (the Defender): the Defender is trustworthy, understanding, analytical, committed, vigilant, political, cynical, pessimistic, and anxious. They are intellectual thinkers who champion the underdog, but can be overzealous and conniving.

Again, if Luigi is a Defender and Waluigi is his mirror-image shadow self, then it only fits that Waluigi is a counterphobic version of Luigi’s type. Waluigi has the character design of a classic villain; you could basically swap him out for Disney’s Jafar or Scar and they’d be the same person. Just look at him and tell us that he’s not anxious, cynical, pessimistic, and conniving.

What Enneagram type is Lakitu?

Our best guess for Lakitu is a Five with a Four wing (the Iconoclast): the Iconoclast is inventive, cerebral, intellectually-intuitive, unassuming, abstract, eccentric, disconnected, subversive, and reclusive. They are contemplative and astute explorers, but can be antagonistic and nihilistic.

You get the sense that Lakitu would rather observe than participate in the race, just hovering over it all in his cloud with his camera equipment. But for whatever reason, he’s decided to enter the fray. His head is in the clouds (literally) and his preferred way of interacting with the world is via his technical videography expertise. That Four wing probably loves the creative side of capturing all this race footage.

What Enneagram type is Toad?

Our best guess for Toad is a One with a Two wing (the Advocate): the Advocate is warm, passionate, principled, improving, moralizing, self-controlled, inflexible, nitpicky, and judgmental. They are thoughtful and purposeful drivers of change, but can be bitter and self-righteous.

Toad is always smiling, polite, and friendly. He gives us pleasant but semi uptight vibes, as if underneath that permanent grin is a bunch of repressed anger about to burst. We don’t even know what to read into the fact that he’s wearing what appears to be a diaper and a vest with no shirt underneath, but this is not meant to be a slight to Ones, who tend to be proper dressers.

What Enneagram type is Toadette?

Our best guess for Toadette is a Two with a One wing (the Altruist): the Altruist is loving, compassionate, encouraging, devoted, well-intentioned, serving, worrying, guilt-ridden, and passive-aggressive. They are warm-hearted and truly charitable, but can be self-critical and victimized.

Toadette is the cutesy, feminine counterpoint to Toad. Thus it makes sense that her personality is the reciprocal of his. Really, that’s all we’ve got here. She’s pink Toad. Not a lot to go with here, team.

What Enneagram type is Koopa Troopa?

Our best guess for Koopa Troopa is a Nine with a One wing (the Dreamer): the Dreamer is imaginative, synthesizing, modest, patient, accommodating, habitual, dissociating, neglectful, and indignant. They are easygoing diplomats attuned to many perspectives, but can be deflective and unrealistic.

Koopa Troopa is basically “bad Yoshi.” He has a history of antagonizing Mario, yet he appears positive and upbeat when associating with him in Mario Kart, so it’s likely that Koopa Troopa is conflict avoidant. It also seems like Koopa has some sort of employment relationship with Mario Kart because it’s his shells that serve as most of the weapons in the game. How does this work, exactly? Are those shells from the corpses of dead Koopas? It’s kind of macabre if you think about it. Dreamers can spend too long in unsatisfying jobs or relationships because they dread disrupting the status quo, so it’s likely that Koopa Troopa doesn’t want to stir the pot with his job security here even though it involves launching the skeletons of his dead brethren on racetracks.